Chapter 0 (Prologue): Dear Hope

This adventure begins with an important dedication.

Dear Hope,

Hey, Sweetie! It’s Daddy. You probably don’t remember me, but we sure shared a truly special bond during our time together. My greatest sadness is that it was so abbreviated. And while you have every reason to be angry at the world for not having a dad, it is my wish that this early lesson in loss helps you to appreciate the many joys that are certain to descend upon you every day hereafter. For though life is unfair, it is also remarkably beautiful.

Just days after my ALS diagnosis, your mom awoke from a dream to tell me her idea for your name. After hearing it, I sobbed tears of joy--for two reasons, I believe. One, it was so perfectly powerful. Two, it was the moment you became real to me. Though your due date was still six months away, your spirit was born right then and there. Obviously, I agreed immediately with Mom, and you were henceforth known as Hope Danielle Smith.

That morning was a pivotal turning point in my attitude to rise up and defeat this disease. From then on, I fought with every fiber of my being. And not just to save myself, but to help those fighting similar battles, whether it be in the present or the future.

So I started this blog and it went a little bit viral. Eventually you make your debut in these popular writings, however, it’s your sister who steals the show. Unfortunately, the same goes for photo and video albums too. You need to know the only reason that’s the case is bad timing. Iris came first and I progressed too quickly. While both of those circumstances are nobody’s fault, there’s no denying it: You and I were robbed, Kiddo.

It’s important that you hear just how much I love you, just as it’s important that you harbor no resentment toward your sister. My love for Iris isn’t any MORE than my love for you (despite the substantial discrepancy in healthy Dad time). It’s just different. But I assure you it’s of an equal intensity.

You were "Daddy’s Smile," after all. Even when I was feeling down, every time you crawled or walked into my room you would squeal with delight and I would somehow be compelled to meet your perpetual smile with an even bigger one of my own. Always the happy baby, you were a beacon of light during a very dark time for Mom and Dad. The two of us are eternally thankful to you for that.

Furthermore, I have you to thank for my relentless fighting spirit. That’s why I’ve decided to dedicate every single one of these chapters to you, Sweetheart. This whole story kicked off with me choosing hope over despair. And thus far you’ve held me accountable to that decision, regardless of my many chances to bail out.

Now, at the time of writing this letter, this saga has yet to have a proper ending. But you’ll know how it all turns out before you even open the cover. Personally, I’m rooting for us to read this book together. Though should this narrative take the alternative path, just remember that I played a little fast and loose with the truth in the first paragraph. You still do, in fact, have a dad. For as it turns out, our family has a unique superpower! And I’m passing it down to both you and your sister.

Don’t ask me how, why or when it all started but I first noticed it in myself shortly after my own sister died. One time when I was really young, as I was kneeling down, hands clasped in prayer, it wasn’t God who answered my call, rather it was my sister, Lauren! From that initial connection on, I realized that I could "call" her anytime!

As I grew older our bond only grew stronger. It even got to the point where I could "feel her presence" all around me. Random as it was, sometimes she would give me the necessary push to do something difficult. Other times she would surround me in comfort after a loss. But mostly she just never wanted me to feel alone.

But as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. And while the following chapters are littered with lessons for you and sister both, let’s start with the first: Don’t allow your superpowers to get twisted to the point where they make you feel bad about yourselves.

For far too long I allowed myself to feel guilty that I wasn’t doing enough with my life. When you have someone always watching over you, it’s easy to feel that way when you’re at your lowest. However, my sister never wanted me to carry that burden, and neither do I when it comes to you. Our super-special connection comes free of strings attached--no added pressure or judgment. Because I love you NO MATTER WHAT.

With that, what happens next, should you turn the page, is the adventure of my lifetime. I wrote it largely so you’d know what kind of man your dad really was. Though it’s not an easy read, my hope (pun intended) is that you’ll find moments that make you proud of both who you are and where you came from. It tears me up inside too, physically not being there to coach you up or walk you down the aisle, but please just remember our mutual gift: I’m with you ALWAYS. All you have to do is call!

Love,

Daddy